


my my my!

by twoheadlights (fizzfic)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Making Out, Pining, phil is in denial
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 11:43:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15885357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fizzfic/pseuds/twoheadlights
Summary: phil has tried to push his feelings down for dan for years until it physically isn't possible. it's not like dan even likes him anyway.right?





	my my my!

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to the bloom fics!  
> so me and [charlotte](https://archiveofourown.org/users/charrlottemilyy) are writing a collection of fics based off every song on troye sivan's album 'bloom'! (buy on itunes and stream on spotify every song is a certified BOP) we'll both be posting five fics between us starting tonight and we hope you like them!!

“So, tell me again why you both aren’t together?” Louise says, peering at Phil through pink rimmed glasses from across the table.

Phil sighs and rubs his eyes.

They’re both catching up while Louise is in London. Dan’s not there, he was busy (on a date) and wouldn’t be home until later.

“ _Because_ what if we break up, huh? What happens to everything we’ve worked for?”

“But you so obviously like each other.” Louise insists. “Hell, you’re head over heels for this boy, anyone with eyes can see that. Actually, scratch that, anyone who’s blind can probably hear it in your voice.”

Phil feels the colour rush to his cheek. He’s been told he’s obvious by a lot of people (it happened all the time in the beginning and always pointed out by his mother), but it never stops being embarrassing. If outsiders can tell, then Dan definitely can, is the thing.

He doesn’t want Dan to be able to tell.

“Doesn’t matter, because he definitely doesn’t like me anymore.” Phil says, crossing his arms.  “If he did, he wouldn’t go out with so many people.”

“You’re delusional.” Louise decides, grabbing Phil’s last fry.

-

Dan’s home, but it’s earlier than Phil expects him to be.

“Hey,” he says, from the sofa when Dan enters the lounge. “How come you’re home? It’s not even eleven.”

Dan shrugs. He looks good, if a little dishevelled. The wind (maybe) did a real number on his hair, which was in neat curls before he left but now they just look like a big chocolate ice cream swirl of sorts. He takes off his denim jacket and with that swift motion, Phil notices a dark purple bruise-like mark on the side of his neck. He gulps and turns away. Oh.

“Did you have dinner?” Dan asks, settling beside Phil, immediately crossing his feet on the coffee table, never sitting properly on a surface ever.

Phil nods in response.

“‘Kay, good, I was hoping you did, because Liam bought me dinner.”

“Sounds like a right gent.”

“He was okay. Don’t think we’ll see each other again though.”

Phil’s pulse quickens and he _hates_ when that happens. He despises the part of him that gets excited when Dan says things like that. Because that means Phil doesn’t have to meet them. Not that Dan has introduced him to the people he’s seeing intentionally. Sometimes they run into each other in the morning after they’ve spent the night and it’s unexpected, but it’s rare that he sees the same person twice. “Did he have a weird fetish?” He asks, half-jokingly.

Dan laughs. “Nah, I dunno. Just wasn’t feeling it.”

Phil raises his eyebrow at Dan sitting next to him and looks pointedly at his neck. “You were feeling _something_.”

Dan frowns at him and he touches his neck. “Fuck,” he mutters. “I told him not to - whatever. Can we watch something?”

Phil’s already grabbing his Xbox controller to load up Netflix. “There’s a new _Explained_ episode,” he informs Dan.

They’d been keeping up with the series since the episode on K-pop that Dan had made Phil watch.

“Ooh, this looks interesting.” Dan says, reading the episode name. Monogamy. Fuck’s sake.

They turn the lights off, and settle in. To be honest, whenever they do this, Phil has a hard time paying attention to whatever’s happening on the screen because all he’s aware of is Dan’s closeness to him. He can smell Dan’s cologne, maybe a hint of another one but he tries not to focus on that. They always sit close and as they watch, Dan changes his position a million times until he’s comfortable. He ends up pressed against Phil, almost leaning on him, his feet firmly tucked under him. Phil feels the hair on his arm stand up. He wishes Dan didn’t do this sometimes. It was so unfair. Then again, Phil let it happen. When Dan leans in during videos, when he lays down on Phil’s lap, when he feeds Phil a bit of food from his plate. He lets himself imagine that they’re actually together despite the hurt that comes after he realises that that’s not true at all.

Sometimes he wonders if Dan imagines too. It was, after all _him_ who’d brought about the idea of them and Phil had agreed to it and then he’d ended it (biggest regret of his life). Surely, Dan imagined a future with them together and happy and _forever_.

It’s been years though, and Phil’s defenses while present, are also weakened. He almost doesn’t care about consequences. Louise’s words ring in his ears. She kept insisting that the people least likely to break up would be him and Dan and while that may be true, it’s still the scariest thought.

It may be unlikely, but not impossible.

-

Phil has a hard time denying his feelings for Dan on his best days. Playing off comments about their closeness with a wave of his hand, a loud chuckle. He hates that even strangers that have no idea who they are can pick up on their easy chemistry. Hates how it makes a small (minuscule) part of him happy. Even though, as much as everyone wants it to be true, this is the fact: Dan and Phil just aren’t together.

It’s not like they hadn’t tried. When they were kids, they were drowning in each other. And then they grew up. They’re Dan and Phil - YouTube power duo, those guys with the matching hair (rest in peace), BBC radio hosts, co-owners of one gaming channel, business partners, flatmates. Even if they weren’t romantically linked, their names are bound together for life. On paper, in the minds of people.

Phil’s not bitter. Most days anyway.

Tonight, Dan is looking ethereal though. He’s getting ready for a party they’re both supposed to attend. Phil’s ready, wearing a denim jacket over a red and white striped t-shirt, hoping there’s no dress code. Dan’s approach was to go a bit fancier - he’s wearing a shirt, black and white to stay on brand but still weird for him. He even left some buttons undone and Phil has to do everything he can not to stare.

They do the rounds together, bottles of beer in their hands, chatting away to the people they haven’t seen in ages. Phil feels like he catches some of them linger on Dan a little longer and he doesn’t blame them. That’s his whole life. Someone actually comes up to them, talks only to Dan, hardly noticing Phil at all. He even touches Dan’s arm and everyone knows that’s a universal sign that they’re into you. But Dan...doesn’t react. He doesn’t show any sign that he’s noticed or cares to notice. He’s polite and charming, and listens to everything this random man is saying to him, but showing no signs that he’s attracted to him. It’s not even like he’s ugly or coming off as creepy. Hell, if he’d flirted with Phil, he’d go for it just for the fuck of it.

There’s music playing, but the words aren’t reaching Phil. His head is swimming slightly, because his alcohol tolerance isn’t what it was before, but maybe it’s also because looking at Dan tonight is making his head spin even more than usual. He watches as Dan laughs loudly, and drinks his beer, watches as he swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing a little, his vein kind of popping out, showing under his pale throat (it’s been a couple of weeks since Dave or Liam or whoever so the mark is mostly gone).

There’s a moment when they’re left alone and they make a beeline for a corner with no one and lean against the wall next to each other.

“Forgot how exhausting these things can be.” Dan says, looking straight ahead.

“Yeah. I’m glad I have someone with me to do it though.” Phil replies, not thinking of how that sounds.

Dan chuckles, a low sound at the back of his throat. Phil can’t help it. He blurts, “Why?” And Dan looks at him confused.

“Why what?”

“Why didn’t you flirt with that cute guy before? Or anyone else?”

“Do you want me to?” Dan asks, an amused smile on his face.

“What does it matter what I want?” Phil asks back, a little embarrassed.

Dan cocks an eyebrow. “Come with me, please.” He says. He doesn’t even wait for Phil to reply and grabs his wrist, pulling him.

“W-Where’re we going?” Phil asks, panicking slightly, ignoring the shots of electricity he’s feeling from the point of contact of their hands (except not really, he’s in fact living for it). Dan doesn’t reply, but suddenly they’re out of the room the party is happening in and the noise gets muffled as the door closes and they continue.

The corridors are empty thankfully, but Dan doesn’t stop. His hand has slipped down from Phil’s wrist to his hand.

“Dan, c’mon -”

“Shush.”

They reach the men’s bathroom and Dan pushes the door open, leading Phil in. He still doesn’t let go though. There’s no one inside. He makes his way to one of the stalls away from the door and takes Phil right along with him.

Oh?

And from then on Phil feels his hands shake because _is this really happening_? Dan faces him now, and he has a playful look in his eyes. “Hi,” he says softly.

“What - What’re you doing?” Phil whispers.

Dan’s eyes are wide, pupils blown and for a second, Phil is transported back to when they were kids, Dan only eighteen and he was the boy Phil fell in love with, and now standing here is a fully grown Dan, a Dan that could’ve left Phil behind but stuck around for some reason. Dan, his best friend. Dan, who he’s in love with. Still.

“What do you think I’m doing?” Dan replies, smirking.

His hand on Phil’s cheek, he leans in closer and closer until their lips are inches away.

He closes his eyes and his lips find Dan’s. And -

Phil has kissed a lot of people in his life. He’s kissed Dan a couple of times too. But this kiss has _nothing_ on the others. It feels all too familiar and new at the same time. Dan presses him against the stall wall, both his hands on Phil’s face. The smell of beer reaches Phil’s nose, but he doesn’t recoil because it might as well have been his own breath. And just as quick as it starts, it stops. Dan pulls away and looks at Phil questioningly. _Do you want this_?

Phil makes a noise, a desperate one, and his hand goes up to the V of Dan’s shirt where it’s unbuttoned and he pulls him back towards him, and kisses him again, this time more hungrily, wanting to make it obvious that _hell yes_ he wants this. He’s wanted this since...since fuck knows when. Too long. And there they are.

Dan’s lips are so impossibly soft, _god_ , they feel amazing. Phil lets his hand run through his hair and go to the back of his neck, making Dan squeal a little but he doesn’t back off, which is a good thing. Phil never wants to stop.

Dan’s hands move from his face to his jacket which he removes with Phil’s help. He breaks the kiss but before Phil can complain he immediately dips his head and plants a small kiss on Phil’s neck. “Want you so bad,” Dan murmurs into his skin before nipping at it. He sucks a little, and it’s _killing_ Phil. He feels useless against everything Dan’s doing, his roaming hands under Phil’s shirt, his mouth on his neck, the _sounds_ he’s making.

Phil’s unbuttoned Dan’s shirt completely and it hangs loosely on his form. As he’s kissing down his chest, Dan asks, his voice raspy, “Hey, can we go home?”

Phil looks up at him. “Now?”

Dan nods. “Want to have sex with you in a more comfortable place. Like my bed.”

Phil snorts, but he gets back up anyway. “Alright, let’s go home.”


End file.
